Core Values drive our behaviours and motivations and sometimes we don’t even realise it….
The weight of the world on his shoulders, his hand hiding the trace of tears in his eyes…as he spoke “I screwed it up, I had a good thing, a really good thing and I messed it up again…like I do everytime….”
The frustration, the rage, the busy head full of questions… why have I messed up again, all his words poured out from his mouth like a fast flowing river.
I sat in silence, watching the torrent of words flow…..as he slowly lowered his hand and looked at me…..” Tell me what’s important to you, as you are today about your relationship?”
The Flipchart of success became his focal point…as we began to extract his core values.
As much as we like to think that we are in control of our behaviours, more often these are determined on an unconscious level and what we value drives our behaviours and therefore our outcomes.
In Alex’s case we started to list his values…variety, excitement, choice, flexibility..this list went on…
Do these core values sit well with someone in a committed loving relationship someone who wants commitment with one person and to settle down with that person? He wanted variety, excitement, choice…. sadly the evidence was clear the core values were not aligned with want he truly wanted.
He was doing the exact opposite and his repeated behaviour was evidence enough.
As a success coach, I work with my client to explore their core values.
Values are things that are important to us. They are a filter, high level generalisations of the things that matter to us. We make decisions and take actions based on our values and how we feel. They guide our every decision and therefore our results, successes and potentially our fails. Values can motivate us towards what we want or away from what we want.
A towards value means you are motivated towards what you want. A set focus on perhaps a goal.
An away from value is the flipside and will take you away from what you don’t want.
More often an away from Value can hinder our results and when we start to understand that these are not helpful, we can look to align the thinking and the values to attain our goals and the outcomes we really want in life.
Quite often these sessions explore far more than just core values, we unravel limiting decisions, thinking patterns and let go of some shit…sometimes stuff we didn’t even realise we had!
Back to Alex, a while later, we had explored his values and began aligning them to match what he truly desired…..months later he had the committed relationship he desired and even managed to drop the love word in his values set!
Do you have outcomes that aren’t serving you? Have you ever explored your core values and how they may be scuppering your success?
Perhaps it’s time, to consider that and book a session or two with me?
Just imagine…What if you stopped that pattern or changed your motivation, how would that make a difference in your life?
Colita Dainton The Success Coach at Litabix.com. Helping people think differently about their problems. If you are interested in working with me, use the contact form or book a free 30-minute discovery call,it would be great to hear from you.